Every eye must weep alone
Till I will be overthrown.
But I will can be removed,
Not having sense enough
To guard against I know,
But I will can be removed.
Then all I's can meet and grow,
I Am become I Love
I Have Not I am Loved,
Then all I's can meet and grow.
Till I will be overthrown
Every eye must weep alone.
(W. H. Auden)
When sleep fled and I was alone in the darkness that enfolded my room, I could faintly make out the iridescent stars scattered along the walls. An inexplicable heaviness weighed in and I was acutely aware of the dull aches in my back--pulsating to the beat of an inaudible melody. My mind, suddenly alive, took flight into a different realm, bringing in tow a string of random thoughts, regrets, hopes and fragmented dreams.
What does the future hold? Where will I be a few years down the road? Will I become someone important in life? These and a thousand other questions inundated my conscious mind. How addictive it was to indulge in fantasies that stoke the ego and built grand monuments in celebration of the self.
The glorified 'I' decked in splendor reaches out for supremacy.
"I am and there is none besides me!"
How terrifying these words sound! It marks the start of a steep nosedive into a bottomless abyss. What a cruel twist of irony where the unending quest for self leads to its ultimate demise.
Why then do these voices continue to hypnotize and enchant me? The glorious Kingdom of God appears distant and ephemeral, overshadowed by the glitzy appeal of the present age. My heart and mind are suspended between two realities and the tension is draining the life from within. Mammon appears to be winning in this cosmic tug of war and my will feels drugged and crippled.
Rise again oh my soul, and let Thy will be done in my life. Christ has defeated the principalities and powers of the world.
2 comments:
Hello Ian,
It's me checking in. Its 11.31 pm on a saturday night and I am in school trying to finish my 48 hour take home exam which is due in 16 1/2 hours. Guess I'll be spending my time till 4pm on Sunday sleep deprived.
Haven't read your posts yet, except for the first one. Would love to drop some comments soon. Until then...
BOO!! I'm home, and your sweet peace has been disrupted! :P You are back in the blogging scene, finally! Just thought I'll let you know that your awesome little sis will be one of your frequent stalkers, heh. Ok, back to my work pile, and looks like there is another sleep-deprived soul here! -waves- Add oil people, the semester is more than halfway through, WOOHOO!
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